Six Feet Under Recap: S2, E1 – In the Game

Posted on July 23, 2017 in

I’ve been slacking more than enough lately, so I’ve decided to jump back to my Six Feet Under recaps starting with season 2. Let’s do it.

We open up with a shot of Ross’s college student girlfriend lighting a candle in her underwear. Suddenly, a video begins to play warning her that her “sweet ass” is gonna be gone and a serial killer busts in through the door and chops her up. Psych! It’s all a movie. We pan to Alexandra Holden sitting in a movie theater smiling as she watches herself murdered at the movie premiere. At the after party, her character, Becky, receives advice about her career and also does a lot of coke.

This is actually one of the more disturbing deaths from the show, but it’s not especially violent. It’s that shot of Rebecca Milford on the floor twitching and the sound her body makes when it flaps against the floor that really gets to me. I don’t like to watch it.

Screenshot, Six Feet Under, HBO

Next, we open up on a shot of Nate and Brenda going at it. Brenda looks as if she would rather be anywhere else because, “it’s not working.” This of course turns into a spat that recovers pretty quickly considering it’s Nate and Brenda. Brenda talks about feeling depressed with her “bad dream” life, and it becomes clear that she hasn’t been working. Nate tells Brenda that she needs to force herself to be active. Which is advice that every depressed person LOVES to hear.

Next, we see Becky Milford’s “sort of” boyfriend, Brody, and Vanessa’s sister, Angelica, planning the funeral. Angelica expresses that she wants to plan a “cheap” funeral. Rico replaces her words with “budget conscious.” Brody doesn’t want to bury Rebecca because she was scared of the dark, and Rico really pushes the idea of a viewing. Brody then wants to spread Rebecca’s ashes somewhere “she really liked,” like Griffith Park or The Lava Lounge. Because Angelica can’t help but ruin Rico’s life no matter what she does, she suggests skipping the casket altogether. Legit the first time I ever felt bad for the guy.

David gets a phone call from presumably a hot guy because he put an ad in LA Weekly looking for some fun. We learn that he’s scored a firefighter who “sound[s] like a nice guy.” Fun fact: we also learn that one of David’s favorite colors, of which he has several, is red.

Next, we learn that Becky hated dolphins. Angelica and Brody decide that they are going to put Becky’s ashes in lockets for all her friends.

Claire meets up with Gabe at the beach, and she makes this face when he says that history is pointless. Same, Claire.

Screenshot, Six Feet Under, HBO

Claire and Gabe argue about his strange behavior and desire to be high all the time. Claire’s face demonstrates that she knows this guy is The Worst.

David gets his results from an STD check and we find out that he has gonorrhea, likely from his brief interaction with a sex worker in Las Vegas. I really like the doctor in this scene and I want her to be in every episode. Especially after she calls David a “bad boy.”

Next, we get Ruth reading this book when Claire walks in.

Screenshot, Six Feet Under, HBO

Ruth asks Claire if she is hurt or angry that David is gay. Ruth then discusses her own teenage crush on Jane Fonda. This kinda lays the groundwork for Ruth’s desire for family intimacy as she feels everybody shutting her out.

David meets up with firefighter guy. Do you ever find yourself watching an old show and you can’t tell if somebody is hot or not because of the time period? This guy is not 2017 hot, but I also can’t tell if he was 2002 hot, ya know? This is important to the story because it’s hard to tell if this guy is supposed to be out of David’s league or not. Either way, we find out that he is a “very sexual being” who knows that his parents are “still hot for each other.”

There’s a lot that sucks about being the kid of divorced parents, but I’ll never have to say those words. That’s a blessing.

No matter the case, firefighter guy breaks my David’s heart by saying there’s no spark, and that’s the end of that.

Nate is formally diagnosed with AVM, and Nate gets frustrated with the doctor who kinda seems . . . not that great. Nate learns that his options are cranial surgery (not a picnic), embolization, or radiation. We get a nice daydream shot of Nate strangling the doctor and then Nate basically deciding to do nothing. This scene really captures the feeling of getting terrible news accurately, in my opinion.

Nate is driving home, and then he does a lot of rage honking. Meantime, Brenda is cleaning her closet and looking miserable. She throws out some CDs, drinks a glass of wine, smokes, and plays air guitar.

Ruth is having dinner with Nicolai, the flower guy, and she describes herself as “having a sexual relationship” with him. Silence. Ruth invites all the kids and their “special friend[s].”

Nate and Brenda talk on the phone. Brenda doesn’t seem all that interested in spending time with Nate or going to his family dinner, and Nate really needs support except that he won’t tell anybody about his AVM.

Rico is wrapping Becky’s body in the prep room and says that things are busy at home. Nate says he can’t help him. Honestly, Nate doesn’t really seem to be doing a lot of work at the home, to be honest. Meanwhile, Rico goes on to describe Becky as a “pathetic” person who “threw her life away.” And I hate Rico a lot at this moment.

David is back at church, but he spends a lot of time staring at Keith and that new guy he’s dating. They go out to brunch together, and honestly this is one of those times I really like Keith.

Brenda is working with a massage client who will not STFU. I sympathize with Brenda right now, but I also envy her being able to tell somebody to GTFO of her house.

Claire brings Gabe down to the prep room, which is really a bad idea because that’s where his brother was embalmed. Next, they’re sitting in the living room with Nicolai and David. We learn that David is 31, which is only 4 years older than me. Brenda and Nate show up at the dinner, and it is clear that Nate is high AF. Remember David’s ecstasy in the aspirin bottle from last season? That’s why.

We get this lovely season in which Nicolai says the dinner prayer and then keeps saying, “Lord have mercy.” This scene is pretty iconic by ANY standards. Nate calls Nicolai a “beautiful person” and we get some pretty cool looks. David realizes what’s happened to Nate. Nate tries to do Brenda at the table, and then everybody realizes he’s high.

BTW, I’m really into Ruth’s look at dinner. She looks fantastic.

Screenshot, Six Feet Under, HBO

Ruth can’t believe her precious oldest son is high and wonders if she needs to join a support group. Meanwhile, Nate is in the other room talking about flow and talking about how he taught David how to masturbate. Brenda decides to hit the road, and I don’t blame her.

Claire and Gabe go to the movies and see the movie Becky was in. RIP. Nate spends all night watching TV on the couch, including some show about hamsters eating. He also has some weird dream involving  his dad and death and playing Chinese checkers. TBH, this scene barely registers with me and I tend to skip it. I know it’s heavy on symbolism and such, but it’s just not that interesting.

In the morning, David calls Keith to thank him for the brunch invitation. Keith isn’t really into hanging out with David sans Eddie in the future, and David is so easy to relate to. Ruth makes coffee and she and David discuss their “special friends” staying the night. Ruth agrees that the book she was reading was dumb and then asks if Nate has a drug problem.

Becky’s funeral is next, and for some reason Claire and Gabe decide to attend. Gabe thinks it’s hilarious and Claire finds it depressing. Nate is pissed about the ecstasy until he learns that David is the one who accidentally drugged him.

Brody sings a little ditty about Becky, and it goes something like this:

Tiny venus

Your breath like baby rabbits on a field abuzz with bees and life

Little did you know how briefly the sun would shine upon on your own private utopia

Your candle may have been blown out

But you hang in the air

Like smoke

Screenshot, Six Feet Under, HBO

It’s very moving.

Anyway, Gabe sneaks into the prep room and totally steals some embalming fluid (but that’s a story for another time).

Angelica reveals that Brody can’t afford to pay his part of the funeral, and Rico is pissed. We also learn that Angelica loaned Vanessa $500 for diapers.

Claire walks in on Becky’s friends snorting her ashes and is very upset.

Nate and Brenda are on the beach arguing, per usual. David calls Nate to reveal to him that he is now an official funeral director. Remember back in the day when you didn’t know if you passed a test until months later?

Brenda reveals that he is having trouble being with herself right now. Nate seems supportive of Brenda’s desire to be on her own, but he also has his own stuff to deal with. He imagines himself walking into the ocean when Nathaniel Sr. appears and says, “You’re in the game now, buddy boy. Whether you like it or not.”

Episode Autopsy

Anyway, I’m now going to introduce a pretty arbitrary ranking system for my Six Feet Under recaps. This very well may change in the future, but for now this is it:

Character Punchability: 4/5

Honestly, I didn’t spend a lot of time hating the Fishers or Fishers adjacent. Rico was the worst, and Ruth had a few annoying moments.

Death Inevitability: 4/5

This episode didn’t depress me as much as others. I felt very little about the inevitability of death, save for a few moments of Nate staring into the air.

Quality: 3.5/5

Definitely not one of my favorite Six Feet Under episodes or even season openers, but I’ll take it. It takes a little while for the season two arc to really amp up.

Screencap Quality: 4/5

This episode had a lot of good screencap moments.

Overall: 15.5/20

My Stream of Conscious Thoughts Watching Twin Peaks (Season 3, Episode 5)

Posted on June 5, 2017 in
  • I actually thought the headline joke was kinda funny.
  • Gross. This was not a good episode for eating pasta.
  • This jail scene with Dark Cooper looking into the mirror is creepy.
  • Is this interviewer guy the dude from Kroehner in Six Feet Under? (I have since realized it is, and in fact this is Mike.)
  • I’m really happy we’re back in Twin Peaks.
  • “Dwight’s got diarrhea and the twins are coming this weekend.” I love this line from Sheriff Truman’s wife.
  • This kid ended up with the name Sunny Jim or Sonny Jim. Both are unfortunate.
  • I appreciate Naomi Watts in this role.
  • Like, Dougie’s spoken to numerous people and nobody realizes he desperately needs help? He’s ill! Help him.
  • The lingering shot on the car stopped in the road in the housing development is really unsettling.
  • The old Twin Peaks feels like a character inside of this show in itself.
  • Jade was a lot nicer about giving Dougie two rides than Naomi Watts.
  • Kyle is really good as Dougie, but I miss Cooper.
  • Dougie is really a man after my own heart with all his coffee shenanigans.
  • Dougie’s boss is a real ass.
  • The punching sound effects are pretty disgusting.
  • Poor Cooper/Dougie is gathering enemies each day.
  • The RR! Norma! Shelly! Amanda Seyfried! So much all at once!
  • Of course this is Shelly’s daughter.
  • Put on your seatbelt Amanda!
  • I feel that I like these episodes now, but in the future I will probably skip through them. I really miss Cooper.
  • The shot of Jacoby’s trailer is sort of beautiful.
  • It makes sense somehow that Jacoby is the Alex Jones of the Twin Peaks.
  • You can totally tell that is David Lynch’s kid on stage.
  • This kid smoking looks like the new James.
  • Wow, he’s worse than James, which is unexpected.
  • While I am so glad that they didn’t cheese up Tammy’s scene with some sort of fingerprint analysis, it’s sort of silly they’ve taken a still of Cooper that’s obvi from the show.
  • Dark Cooper’s phone call freaked me out.
  • And this Buenos Aires scene has me freaked out more.
  • Wow, what an episode.

How to Spot Potential Scams When You Work from Home

Posted on June 4, 2017 in
How to Spot Potential Scams when You Work From Home

One of the questions people most frequently ask me about work is, “How?”

I am not the best person to ask about working from home, to be honest. I hate when people describe my job as “working on the Internet.” I’m a writer. When people look for “work from home jobs,” they may be looking for a wide variety of jobs ranging from secret shoppers to virtual assistants. I don’t really have experience in these areas.

Still, I do have a lot of advice to offer people who are interested in working from home, not necessarily as writers. Here is a lot of what I have to say on the matter:

1. If you found it in the comments section, it’s probably a scam.

This one should be pretty obvious. If somebody is posting about an amazing job they found in the comments section of a Buzzfeed article, said job does not really exist. Don’t click the links or engage with this person.

2. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Nobody is going to pay you to simply the travel around the world for free. Nobody is going to pay you thousands to watch TV on your couch all day. Try to use some sense when you read advertisements for these jobs. If you can’t figure out why somebody would pay you to do the job, it’s likely not legit. Also, if somebody offers you a job you never asked for, it is likely a scam. Unsolicited offers are rarely real.

3. If you are asked for money upfront, you should be suspicious.

Sure, you might need to buy supplies to start a new job. You might even be asked to pay for some training or a course. Still, you should never be asked to send a bunch of money to be eligible for an opportunity.

4. If you are asked to buy gift cards, it’s a scam.

A legitimate job is never going to ask you to spend your cash (or cash they send you) to buy gift cards and send them back. This is a scam.

5. If somebody sends you a check before you’ve done anything, it’s probably a scam.

This is one of the oldest Internet scams, and yet people still fall for it. Nobody is going to send you checks to cash and send the money on to somebody else. It doesn’t happen. Instead, your bank will temporarily make funds available while you pull out money to send. When the bank realizes you’ve been given fake checks, you will still owe that money to the bank. Sometimes the scam is disguised as part of a job, but you still need to be aware that it’s not legit. Nobody is going to pay you just to cash checks.

6. If you are instantly hired, there is a problem.

Any real job requires a process during which you and your work or skills will be assessed to determine if you will be a good employee. A scammer who has no need to know your abilities as an employee doesn’t care. Think about this: why would somebody hire you on the spot without knowing a thing about you, except perhaps your name or email address? If you haven’t proven to be a good writer, why would a company trust that you are? If you have no experience as a salesperson, why would a stranger decide that you are the person to do the job.

7. Scam listings and emails are frequently written with poor spelling and grammar.

Spam emails are often written by those who do not speak English as a first language, which means you may notice misuse of certain words and poor spelling.

8. Steer clear of MLM schemes.

Every day on Facebook I see friends and friends of friends post about their new “business opportunities.” Unfortunately, these opportunities are often just multi-level marketing situations that are essentially pyramid schemes. I’ve really been enjoying this person’s story about Younique and the true cost of joining one of these schemes.

So, let’s say that you’ve found a potential opportunity to work from home. What should you do next?

Google the name of the company with the word ‘scam.’

For the love of all that is good, do not send money to strangers.

Don’t open or respond to suspicious emails.

Ultimately, keep in mind that if you are looking to work online, it’s going to be work. You aren’t going to be paid good money to do nothing, and that’s really something you should know already.

Photo via Fancy Crave

Twin Peaks Episode 1 & 2 – My Thoughts

Posted on May 25, 2017 in

I took a lot of notes watching the first two episodes of the new season of Twin Peaks. Unfortunately, my cat was sitting on my notebook so I didn’t take any notes for episodes 3 and 4. Regardless, here is basically my stream of consciousness as I was watching:

    • It’s the theme song!! Not sold on visuals yet, but I’ve missed this song.
    • I’m not sure what’s going on in this weird studio.
    • They’re certainly going for atmosphere over plot here. That’s cool and all, but I’m anxious to catch up with my favorites.
    • I honestly have no idea what’s going on.
    • The security guard at this weird box place looks like Jax from Vanderpump Rules. Right???
    • The Great Northern! I hope we see more Ashley Judd.
    • Lucy! She’s as strange as always, which is nice.
    • I’m really into the music. It’s Trent Reznor-ish. Did he do this?
    • Not a fan of this Dale’s long hair.
    • Tracy kinda needs to get a life, because this guy seems sort of like a weirdo.
    • Are there subliminal flashes of something in this show for everybody? Or is it just my computer?
    • Wow, they’re taking full advantage of the ability to show nudity on Showtime. Good call!
    • What’s in the box? What’s in the box?

  • Goodbye to Tracy and unnamed guy, I guess.
  • So far this doesn’t feel as much like Twin Peaks as it does Mulholland Drive. I don’t hate it.
  • I’ve jumped a couple times, not going to lie.
  • That was an interesting dead body.
  • The Log Lady!! Hawk! A message from the log! I love this.
  • I didn’t realize Shaggy was old enough to be the principal of a school, but I mean, I guess he is.
  • It was definitely the wife.
  • Jail is scary!
  • I guess it doesn’t matter that it’s the wife.
  • “I don’t need anything. I want.” Hmm. Interesting.
  • The Log Lady again! Is Hawk going to save Dale? Please do. I really like what they’ve given him so far this season.
  • This may be the longest two hours of confusion in my life, but the shots are gorgeous.
  • The Black Lodge is so awkward and I feel awkward watching it alone. But I love it.
  • The lingering shots on emptiness really creep me out.
  • Laura! I really hope they have a third role for Sheryl Lee to play.
  • Sheryl Lee looks great, and her smile hasn’t changed.
  • Okay, now something terrible is happening.
  • The arm is so Eraserhead-ish. I don’t want to look at it.
  • Now there is some face mushing and some lightning.
  • It feels weird to see Kyle MacLachlan in bed with a woman like this. He’s so not threatening.
  • Even Evil Dale can’t help but carry a tape recorder around.
  • There is a lot of head shooting so far.
  • No there’s another lady next door. Interesting.
  • “Oh, you’re nice and wet,” is going to haunt me until the day I die.
  • With all those curtains, I would get very confused in the Black Lodge.
  • 20 minutes left. Am I going to get to see Audrey??
  • Ray Wise looks pretty good!
  • So like, has Dale just been sitting on a couch for 25 years?
  • The Palmer house! And mountain lions killing things on TV.
  • I think Grace Zabriskie is so underrated.
  • The Bang Bang Bar is hopping. I’m into the music.
  • Ugh, we’re seeing James before we’re seeing Audrey?
  • Shelly Johnson is definitely one of my favorites. I’d like to see more of her in this.
  • So James appears into Jessica Szohr, but Shelly is into James and also another guy?
  • This episode was dedicated in memory of Catherine Coulson and Frank Silva. Pretty cool.

Ultimately, there was a lot missing that I wanted to see, but I have faith that it will happen eventually. I’m definitely ready to see some more familiar faces and also to see WTF is happening to Dale Cooper. There really isn’t enough for me to write a cohesive piece about it, so I’m just going to leave this here for now.

Coffee, Cherry Pie, and Chevron: Getting Lost in the Dreamy World of Twin Peaks (Part 3)

Posted on May 24, 2017 in

Alright, it’s time to wrap this up so I can move on to talking about the four hours of new Twin Peaks that I’ve watched in the last four days. I just have a few more points I want to make about the way we watch Twin Peaks and what kind of legacy it has had.

Twin Peaks Is an Experience

This is a show that demands you interact with it. Nothing is objective. You are forced to make decisions about what you see. To be honest, I don’t understand half of what I’m seeing in this show, but I also kind of feeling like I don’t need to. I’m content with it because it forces me out of my comfort zone. Twin Peaks is not a show that you sit down to binge on while you browse Instagram. You have to be a participant.

Twin Peaks Has Created a Demand

I see the legacy of Twin Peaks everywhere, especially in shows like Riverdale and Stranger Things. Themes of mystery where there is so much more going on than we can explain are increasingly popular. I’ve seen homages and references in the form of shapes, patterns, colors, characters, relationships, and settings. It is clear that the impact of Twin Peaks on television in general is significant. It’s still intense to me that there was so much demand for a new season that it was brought back after more than 25 years, but it is clear that people want this. They don’t necessarily want a passive television experience all the time.

It’s About the Journey

It may be a cliche to say that Twin Peaks is more about the journey than the destination, but it’s true. When I think about all the show’s great moments, I think more about the events leading up to the big reveal than the big reveal itself. It’s the small moments that stand out most in my mind.

I am going to leave you with a great Dale Cooper quote.

I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange.

Coffee, Cherry Pie, and Chevron: Getting Lost in the Dreamy World of Twin Peaks (Part 2)

Posted on May 23, 2017 in
I could talk about Twin Peaks until the day I keel over. Here's a continuation of the reasons why it's so easy to sink into the atmosphere of the show.

If you thought I was done talking about Twin Peaks, you’re wrong. I could probably talk about this show until the day I keel over. Let’s get to a continuation of all the reasons why it’s so easy to sink into the atmosphere of the show that’s given me a reason to get excited anytime somebody describes something as “wrapped in plastic.”

It’s Another Time, Another Place — And Yet It’s Here, Now

Even at its most supernatural, every bit of Twin Peaks feels real. In fact, a lot of the time it feels like its happening to you instead of in front of you. Watching Twin Peaks feels like an interaction, not a passive experience. It doesn’t feel like Earth, and yet it also creates this compelling connection that makes it feel absolutely human.

Okay, there is a good argument for Twin Peaks having some cheesy, super dated moments. Still, I argue that Twin Peaks transcends the early 90s. The fashion doesn’t feel very 90s to me, and the hairstyles are pretty diverse. Elements of the show remind me of every time period from the 1960s and on. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the aesthetic of the show never gets old.

There Is Always Something Lurking

Even when all seems well in the Twin Peaks universe, there are subtle clues that tell you this is not the case. The music, the dialogue, the lighting. It all creates this ambiance that reminds you that simply because you are at peace now does not mean you will be later. This is what allows the show to cross the line between whimsical and terrifying from minute to minute. By the way, that line is not as fine as you might have thought.

Kyle MacLachlan

Obviously. Kyle MacLachlan is the shining star of Twin Peaks. In fact, he’s the shining star of everything he’s in. We see so much of him throughout the two seasons, and yet we know so little about him. He remains a mystery in many ways, especially when we begin to see the lives of so many less significant characters flesh out. I am always left with the desire to know more about his world.

Everything Seems Intentional

Even when something isn’t intentional in Twin Peaks, it feels like it is. Everything feels like it is meant to be there, and David Lynch has really set up this world where you feel like everything means something — even if it doesn’t.

This scene really captures this idea:

Anyway, I have at least one more post in this series to wrap this all up. Then, I’ll start getting into my thoughts on the first four episodes of the show’s return.

Coffee, Cherry Pie, and Chevron: Getting Lost in the Dreamy World of Twin Peaks (Part 1)

Posted on May 21, 2017 in
Coffee, Cherry Pie, and Chevron

In case you haven’t heard, Twin Peaks is happening again. In fact, it’s on tonight. I have tried so hard to get people I know into Twin Peaks, and generally works one of two ways. Sometimes, the person is hooked immediately. They love the atmosphere from the first episode. In other cases, the person makes weird faces at me throughout the pilot and then assures me that they will catch up with the series “eventually.”

No matter the case, there are always a few key ideas I use to “sell” Twin Peaks to people I know. It’s often hard to explain why we love the things we do, but I don’t have this trouble when I’m talking about my favorite Kyle MacLachlan masterpiece. While you might not yet be sold on the idea, there are a few things you should know about Twin Peaks before you press Play. Read more..

7 Things I Want to Do This Year

Posted on January 24, 2017 in

I feel like the last year flew by, and it’s hard to believe that we are already nearing the end of January. So much has already happened this year, and I feel like the next few months are going to slowly pass. One of the best ways I know how to pass time is to make make goals. I am really trying hard to diversify my goals for this year, just so I have a good pool to choose from in the coming months.

I hate making cheesy goals. I’m not good at sticking with them. I like to be specific. I like my goals to contribute to me being a better person. They also need to have steps and be working toward something better. Really, I need a distraction.

So, here we go.

Goal #1: Pay off at least 3 of my student loans. 

I’ve got a bunch of them! Thankfully, I will be able to pay one off entirely next week. Then, it’s just two more. It will be nice to owe a few thousand less (even though I just added a bunch of student debt this year when I went back to school).

Goal #2: Say more words (louder).

One of the reasons I suck at communicating is that I often just don’t talk. Okay, so this goal is not as specific as I’d like it to be. But it’s something I can work on each day. Sometimes I miss out on opportunities simply because I don’t speak up. I don’t want this to be an ongoing theme in my life.

Goal #3: Finish my novel.

So, yeah, this also means I need to start my novel. But it’s happening this year.

Goal#4: Be able to do a handstand.

The handstand is the bane of my existence in my attempts to do yoga well. This encompasses a lot of other skills I’m trying to work on, but this is a great way to qualify it all.

Goal #5: Finish the German Duolingo tree.

I’ve already finished the French and Spanish trees, and apparently I’m spending a lot of time in Germany lately. Time to get learning so I can actually talk to people while I travel.

Goal #6: Write a non-fiction book.

Yes, I’ve already done it. But I want to do it again (and better).

Goal #7: Figure out my living situation.

Again, not specific. But still, very important. This is a time in my life when I need to start making a lot of bigger decisions.  I need to figure out where I want to live, if I want to go to grad school, if I’m happy doing what I’m doing. I need to figure out something that makes me feel at peace with it all.

Photo care of Bossfight

10 Things I’ve Learned in 2016

Posted on December 19, 2016 in

After a slightly hellish year, it’s sort of hard to sit down and take stock of all those “lessons” you’re supposed to acknowledge. It’s really easy to look back on the year and see what I like to refer to as “a bunch of bullshit,” but doesn’t it always feel better at the end of the year to sit down and look at your accomplishments? In my effort to stay positive, that is exactly what I’m going to try to do now.

1 – Sometimes it really feels like you can’t do things, but you definitely can. Things that seemed like dreams can be made reality, but they have to be those things that you are capable of doing. You can’t make dreams that somebody else is going to save you. You have to save yourself. But you can be saved.

2 – Sometimes you need to ask people for help, and that does not make you a failure.

3 – I learn this every year. There are no signs. If it’s not happening, it’s not happening for a reason. Move on already.

4 – Don’t feel bad because things are not on track. The nature of life is such that there isn’t a track.

5 – A scarf can be your best friend on a bad day.

6 – Don’t be afraid to sit in pubs alone. Some of your favorite days are the ones you did that.

7 – Eat every new food you come across. There is so much more out there than you even know of.

8 – The train is a fantastic and amazing thing, more so in Europe than back home.

9 – In comparison to everything else, you are doing so much better today than you were last year. You might feel worse, but that’s only because there are always growing pains.

10 – It’s really easy to feel that you aren’t good enough, especially today. But that’s okay. Most people who think this way won’t be in your life much longer anyway.

Photo care of Barn Images

My First Few Days in Brighton

Posted on December 15, 2016 in
Brighton Pier

It’s now Thursday night, which means I’ve been in Brighton for four days now. The weather really isn’t so bad, and I’ve even seen the sun about half the time. Brighton is a beautiful city with a lot to do, and I can honestly say that this is a lovely place. I’ve found places that I really like, and a couple places I couldn’t escape fast enough. I got to catch up with a friend, and I actually some food today.

I still kinda feel like something is missing though.

My first trip to Europe was a whirlwind. I was scared, but so excited. That was in March. Now, in December, I feel exhausted. This year has been pretty intense and sometimes ridiculous, and I feel like it’s really done its job wearing me down.

It doesn’t really need to be said that traveling solo can be lonely. Even when I meet people here, conversations are superficial. Sometimes I feel like a novelty.

I thought I would like having the distraction, but it just doesn’t feel the same. I don’t have the same sense of optimism or the attitude that anything could happen. I feel jaded.

It’s at times like this where I look around and feel really, really alone. The people I love are miles and miles away. But to be honest, I don’t know if I want to be home. I don’t really have the feeling that I want to be anywhere at the moment.

I really do love England. It’s beautiful. People here have been so nice to me. I’ve made some of my best memories here. I want to come back. I just want to do it under different circumstances.

I guess the worst thing is that I don’t know what to do. I know that going home this early is a mistake, but I’m already feeling the wear and tear of this trip. But I also feel like it’s not just this trip. It’s like the weight of everything that’s happened in my entire life has decided to unleash itself on me this week. I think I’m ready to feel other things.

I guess what this week has taught me is that I need to make some changes in my life. I need to put a higher priority on achieving some smaller goals. I need to stop moping about things I can’t change. I need to be okay with some things I’m struggling with now. I need to stop relying on other people for happiness, love, and respect. I need to find more reliable types of comfort.

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