The Art of Not JADEing

Posted on August 31, 2015 in

Oddly, the last few weeks have been the most serene and tumultuous of my life. I have traveled from Ventura to Phoenix and now up to Central California in a span of a few weeks, and I feel as if my life is truly in transition. The last month has taught me quite a few lessons, and among them was something I found online, interesting enough.

JADE stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain.  You don’t have to do these things. In fact, it’s better if you don’t sometimes. This is especially the case if you want to avoid a circular conversation in which you find yourself a target of questioning. Some people will never understand, and that’s because they don’t want to.

I have spent so much of my life justifying the things I do to other people, afraid of judgment. I’ve argued about the reasons why I should be moving in a new direction. All the while, I spent so much time JADEing that I failed to actually do all the awesome things I thought I was so passionate about doing.

Is it really worth my time to defend my choice to move out on my own to people who will never like my choice? Nope.

Is it worth my time to actually move out on my own and continue on with the things I want to do? Yep.

Can I maintain relationships with people who don’t like my choices? Kinda. You just have to put your foot down.

These are MY actions. MY choices.  I don’t have to defend them. I will discuss them if I feel like it. I won’t argue about them. I know the risks, but I also know the benefits. I refuse to live a life that is conducive to depression and discomfort when I have so much more power than that.

It is powerful to realize that depression, anxiety, and other people do not have control over your life. I am emerging out of ghosthood slowly, but it’s going to be okay.

I was going to write that I can’t wait to be settled into my next segment of life, but life doesn’t really let you settle, does it? Maybe that’s a good thing.

As many lessons as I’ve been taught in the last few weeks, I’ve also been left with so many more questions and so much more uncertainty. I’m still left with the feeling that everything is coming together. I just have to kick myself in the ass a bit more to get there.

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1 Comment

  • Reply kswims February 20, 2018 at 11:40 pm

    Alright, so its nearly 2 years later. But, THANK YOU!
    Really needed to hear this. Even though in my mind, i’m always telling myself “You don’t need to explain.” What really helped was reading about not JADEing and taking action.


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